The DEA, which has been wrong about almost everything from its Mission
Statement to the value of a marijuana plant, posted this on its web page
(printed in full below).
You'll note it is not saying it is YK2 ready--not at all.
Just more DEA jargon covering the truth, which appears to be delightfully
dour. Having had some experience in translating DEA-speak, here's what its
really saying. MY COMMENTS ARE IN FULL CAPS.
"DEA YEAR 2000 COMPLIANCE STATEMENT FOR INTERNET"
Attorney General Janet Reno has stated that the Department of Justice "is
addressing Year 2000 aggressively and has established January 1999 as its
target date to be in full compliance with Year 2000 requirements."
A TARGET DATE IT HAS OBLIVIOUSLY MISSED BY TEN MONTHS NOW, ACCORDING TO MY
WATCH.
As a major component of the Department of Justice,
ALAS
the Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA) has established a Year 2000
Project Office whose goal is to ensure that our employees and business
partners are protected from issues related to Year 2000.
THAT'S ALL THE DEA KNOWS HOW TO DO: ESTABLISH AN OFFICE AND ARREST PEOPLE.
NOT THE MOST EFFECTIVE WAY OF DEALING WITH COMPUTER GLITCHES. BUT THEN, IT'S
NOT THE MOST EFFECTIVE WAY OF DEALING WITH DRUG ADDICTION, EITHER.
DEA is confident that both the actions we are taking and the way in
which we are approaching the issues related to Year 2000 will position us
effectively to deal with the complexities of Year 2000 compliance.
DO YOU SMELL AN ABSOLUTE LACK OF ANY PLAN WHATSOEVER HERE?
In particular, the Controlled Substances Act (CSA) System and the
Automation of Reports and Consolidated Orders Systems (ARCOS) have been
assessed for Year 2000 issues and remediation and testing have been completed.
TWO MINOR SYSTEMS. QUESTION: HOW MANY SYSTEMS ARE NOT BEEN COMPLETED?
ANSWER: ALL THE REST.
DEA's Year 2000 Project will remain ongoing until we are entirely
confident that the millennium date change will not result in any interruption
in critical services or negatively impact our business partners.
WHICH MEANS IT WILL BE ONGOING UNTIL "THE YEAR 3000 PROJECT
OFFICE" IS ESTABLISHED IN 2999.
PERHAPS THE DEA'S INHERENT INEFFICIENCY WILL PUT ITSELF OUT OF BUSINESS AT
MIDNIGHT ON JANUARY 1, 2000.
WE CAN DREAM, CAN'T WE?
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
ENJOY,
PETER